Best Semiramis

**So much disappointment!

Our stay fell well below what we’d expect from a 5-star, all-inclusive hotel.

Our room had woodworm in the bathroom door frame, one of the lamps didn’t work, and the safe wouldn’t open using the provided instructions. Our room keys wouldn’t work, took 20 minutes to get into the room as we had to go back to reception and they gave us another set that didn’t work, back up to reception again and had to wait for someone to fix the issue. The room itself felt very dated and musty (we were on the second floor).

The gym also raised safety concerns. The leg press machine had cut cables and wasn’t marked as out of order. I initially tried to use it before realizing it was broke. Someone could easily have been injured. There were no cups either where the water machine was, no way to drink the water! Also, no towels or paper towels to wipe machines down with, so lots of stinky sweat on machines, eugh!

The pool area was frequently wet, with no one coming to mop up the slippery floors. The downstairs jacuzzi was cold, and when I informed the lifeguard, he told me to report it to reception. I suggested he call them himself, but he said he didn’t have the number—even though he was already on his phone on a video call. I had to tell him to look up the hotel’s number online! It wasn’t the response I’d expect from pool staff.

There was also a used Band Aid/plaster by the jacuzzi railings that remained there the following day, suggesting the area hadn’t been cleaned in over 24 hours, yuck! To make matters worse, the railings themselves were loose and moved when held, which is a serious safety concern.

The “all-inclusive” package was also disappointing. My daughter could only choose one non-alcoholic cocktail, while all the others incurred an extra charge. The same applied to adult cocktails—only four were included, with the rest available at an additional cost. We’ve stayed at many all-inclusive resorts and have never experienced this before. It certainly didn’t feel like a true all-inclusive package. We did not get what we paid for!

There were no fun pool activities, and we weren’t even allowed to play a simple game of catch with a ball in the pool, despite being the only people using it. It seemed unnecessarily restrictive and made the atmosphere feel rather dull.

As vegetarians, we found the food selection quite limited. It mainly consisted of chips, potatoes, and pasta, with very little variety from day to day.

The only real positive was the restaurant staff at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They were friendly, hardworking, and clearly doing their best despite being rushed off their feet. Any shortcomings were due to management and staffing levels, not the staff themselves. Oh except for the moody pool guy that told us off for playing catch in the pool, bah humbug!

Cobwebs in the dining room ceiling.

Overall, this was the most disappointing all-inclusive holiday we’ve experienced. In our opinion, this hotel is nowhere near 5-star standard. We’d rate it as a solid 3-star property, but certainly not the luxury experience that was advertised. Run down, understaffed, musty and the toilets were always out of tissue!

I don’t often write reviews like this, but this hotel deserves the time it takes to warn others so they don’t make the same mistake I did. The positives first: the hotel staff are genuinely great — always friendly, always say hello when passing. Buffet service is very good, and the food is decent for an all-inclusive. To be clear, none of what follows is a staff issue — every single one of them was lovely. This is purely a management and maintenance problem. Now the (long) list of negatives: Room issues • No bin in the bedroom • Cleaners don’t remove empty glasses from the room • Woodworm in the bathroom door frame • No plug sockets near the mirror or the bed • No facial tissues provided • No drinking water in the room — you have to fill plastic Pepsi cups at the bar and carry them up yourself • No iron available, even on request — you’re pushed toward an overpriced laundry service • Door handle fell off and I was locked in the room until maintenance arrived Cleanliness • Plates are consistently dirty, especially underneath • Cobwebs in the dining area • Tables don’t get wiped down — bring your own wet wipes • Public toilets have no tissue paper • A plaster was left by the jacuzzi on Friday and was still there the next afternoon • Sewage smell throughout parts of the hotel — bring nose plugs Pool & facilities • No pool balls allowed — except when the hotel runs its own pool volleyball activity, which makes the “policy” feel arbitrary and hypocritical. Reception just repeats “it’s policy” with no explanation, and it isn’t listed anywhere on the website • Rules change day to day: allowed to play with a ball one day, told off for it the next • No one cleans the pool area — surfaces left wet and covered in food debris • Jacuzzi was cold • Umbrellas collapse on people • Railings throughout are shaky and unstable • No vaping allowed outdoors near the pool bar Gym • Water machine present but no cups or paper towels to wipe down equipment • Leg press machine was broken and not labelled as out of order — I got injured using it Bar & service • Long queues at both the pool bar and evening bar — often only one bartender on duty, with no urgency to move the line along • “Nicer” cocktails and snacks come at an extra cost — unacceptable for a hotel marketing itself as 5* all-inclusive • Snack bar is advertised on the website with no mention that snacks aren’t actually included Other • Disabled toilet near the dining area has no door • Reception AC was deliberately set to 26°C — the whole area felt like an oven Honestly, I’ve stayed at 4* hotels with far fewer restrictions and more freedom. Last month I stayed at the Blue Sea Hotel in Fuerteventura — a 4* property — and it had more facilities, allowed pool balls, and had a much better overall vibe. If a hotel is going to market itself as 5*, this list should be the bare minimum standard to fix. Photos attached as evidence.