Seaside Los Jameos Playa

Overall we had a nice holiday, but I wanted to leave an honest review to give people a realistic picture. My main gripe comes down to the pricing setup, as we paid for All-Inclusive via OnTheBeach, but it transpires the hotel has an "All-Inclusive Premium" tier, which meant the standard package felt more like Semi-Inclusive.

That being said, there are plenty of genuinely great things about the place. The decor is really nice, the WiFi is decent throughout, and the room doors are more or less soundproof. Nice practical touches stood out too, like the TV remote being easy to clean, getting fresh pool towels daily, and a free bottle of water in the room every day.

The location is brilliant. You're super close to the beach and right down the road from Rancho Texas, which is an absolute must-visit. The hotel has good amenities, like an Aliseo Brushless hairdryer (I really want one now!), a backdoor to the beach which includes a little foot wash area with fresh towels, and even a mini sewing kit in the room.

There was a wide range of food, although we felt awkward at the parts where we couldn’t self-serve. If you’re from the UK, the sausages, beans, and scrambled egg were great at breakfast, just avoid the bacon - it’s not like ours. And if you want a bottle of water with your breakfast, unfortunately it’s not possible until lunchtime (ludicrous I know).

On our last day, we really appreciated that the all-inclusive perk continued until 5pm, and they gave us a 15-minute courtesy room to freshen up in before heading off. The staff are generally nice, and during main mealtimes they were attentive for drinks. Throughout our stay, there was some stand-out service from: Michelle, Yolanda, Carmen, Silvia, Sonia, and Anjerline, who were all brilliant! The rest of the staff should take a leaf out of their books :-)

Where things fell short was mostly down to pacing and the service outside of the main dining room. There just wasn't much sense of urgency or attentiveness elsewhere. Eg: We queued 20 minutes to check in, 10 minutes for evening meals, and a full 30 minutes at the pool bar. We also waited 15 minutes at MilkLab (which didn’t have much for All-Inclusive by the way; only All-Inclusive Premium), and we even waited 40 minutes to get a drink at the Piano Bar (we had to complain).

It was interesting to see other guests get frustrated by this too. Likewise, overhearing people complain about the schedule being restrictive – The pool shuts at 6pm so forget an evening swim, and for some reason all the outside bars and coffee machines close right down along with it. Also, both “adults-only” pools constantly had kids swimming in it, which defeats the object.

There’s a secluded nudist area (if that’s your thing), which was a lovely little sun-trap, we loved it. Across the way was the spa, although we felt it was a shame about the opening times being restricted from 3-7pm; it would’ve been nice to have a cold plunge in the morning to wake up, and a sauna before bed, but this wasn’t possible.

A few other oddities… The web app is handy for flagging requests, but all the text is inexplicably in ALL CAPS, you can't close or retract tickets once submitted, and requests weren't even actioned in a timely manner. Plus, you can’t actually read any of the planned Activity descriptions on it; only the titles and part of a picture. In the room, the fridge didn’t work, and we also had a brief power cut one night. Also, walking past the kiddy entertainment area was unpleasant - It absolutely reeks and I don’t know how people had become accustomed to it.

We had two bigger incidents during the week. Firstly, a pool parasol wasn't weighted properly and blew right over, coming genuinely inches away from impaling or hitting us. To their credit, the staff responded really well to the bang and sorted it immediately. Secondly, towards the end of the trip, I caught food poisoning from curdled whipped cream that had been left sitting out in the sun, and I heard other guests did too, so definitely keep an eye on that.

All in all, it’s a nice hotel with some decent people and great perks. Would we visit again? Probably not to be fair, but it was a nice enough intro to Lanzarote as a whole. Management really needs to enforce the adults-only pools, hire more staff to tighten up the service speed, sort out the app, and re-think the distinction between standard and premium all-inclusive so guests don't feel short-changed.

Just back from 2 lovely weeks in this fantastic hotel. Food was amazing defintely 10/10. Room was spacious and very clean and was cleaned daily. All pool areas were lovely and plenty of sunbeds. Entertainment in hotel was great every night. A special mention to the animation team espically Florian, Fran and Amara so friendly and games were great fun. Only complaint was the queues for drinks in the pool bar could defintely do with more staff. Have already booked to come back in September 2027 😀