Pestana Blue Alvor Beach Hotel

We’ve just returned after 5 days here. I normally write my reviews with a section each on positives and negatives but unfortunately, I can’t actually think of any positives at all.

Here are all the things you need to know before you book:

• it’s nowhere near a 5-star hotel. It’s more like 3-star
• given we spent close to £600 per night for a family of 4, it’s daylight robbery. Our family room on the 16th floor was disappointingly small, unclean and uncomfortable. The air con and fan were terrible. Fridge didn’t work. Was supposed to be recently refurbished. It’s not.
• food and drink are REALLY poor. It’s the biggest let down. The dining area is small and so expect to queue. The staff are useless and don’t clear tables quick enough. The choice of food is very poor. Cold food and tasteless. Many of the options were like eating cardboard. Selection is repetitive and bizarre (veg for breakfast anyone?). The only highlight is the one grill section which is therefore popular and you’ll need to queue. Seats are filthy. Really filthy (see photos). Tables are rocky. Plates and glasses are dirty. It’s just terrible all round.
• the swimming pool is freezing cold. To the point where my wife and kids refused to get in after day one. We went for a poo-type holiday. This was a disappointment
• the entertainment is none existent. My kids were 13 and 15 and so qualified for the teen area on the basement. It’s grotty and dirty. No attempt for anyone to create a happy or entertaining atmosphere. Again, dirty seats, unclean floor, poor equipment (only 1 table tennis table and a sofa for PS and Xbox). There are some machines and a pool table but you have to pay for these.
• the self-serve drinks machines are often not working. When they work, they taste horrible
• no smiles on most of the staff’s faces. Some were nice. Most were not.
• pool area is not cleaned. I stood in someone’s tomato from the night before.
• the hotel is in the middle of nowhere. The beach is a 5-min walk (slight incline on the way back). Most guests ended up going to the beach instead of hanging around the hotel.
• there is a paddle course, mini gold course and an infinity pool (€20 for half a day). Good luck getting any bookings for paddle if you are staying less than 5 days.
• the advertised events DONT HAPPEN. My teenage boy was looking forward to the 7pm football each evening. It never occurred. He was so disappointed. I asked the staff and they said it only occurrs some days (not what the sign said). We tried 3 days in a row. Nothing.
• the so called food truck by the pool is the worse thing I’ve ever seen. My son wanted a hot dog. He got a cold sausage from a jar in a bun with crisps on top. Disgusting.
• pool area ran out of towels daily
• wine is a €3 bottle

I can go on and on. It was so disappointing given we paid extra for a 5-star hotel.

AVOID THIS PLACE.

Would like to say first and foremost the hairstylist Maria is fantastic beautiful person and a great hairdresser. Hotel lovely. Just one thing is steps outside lift in bar area quite deceiving as it is easy to trip Btreakfast was lovely but no difference any day. Staff lovely. We had a lovely stay. Brendan and Veronica walsh